Getting Lost In The Shadows

I got 'The Black Parade is Dead!' !!!

la la la la la

It's so fucking awesome

la la la la la

Totally worth spending all my money

la la la la la

I love Hoboken, NJ

I went to my dad's house on Tuesday. I slept over, and when I woke up in the morning, I had a sore throat. It totally canes. Again, I can hardly swallow and I'm grunting like a fucking spazticated animal!!!

It's kind of good though. Because mum isn't making me do anything and isn't telling me to clean my room or get off the computer.

The one thing I love about being sick, is having an excuse to drink 2 or 3 litres of pepsi. AND! Have tinned tomato soup without feeling like a povo hobo!

Guess who went to school yesterday?! That's right! Spencer did! He had so much fun!!! Because yesterday was last day of term, we didn't have to do anything, so most of it was watching movies and playing games.

Period 1, I had HPE, and there was a choice to play sports or watch The Benchwarmers (I don't know if there's a "the"... I didn't pay attention.). Obviously, I went with the DVD. So Spencer sat on the desk and watched that with me.

Then, for Period 2, I had SOSE, but because there was only 8 people (yes, 8 people) there that day, Miss took us to the Drama room (because she's also a Drama teacher) and we played games. Spencer liked those games. Everyone, kind of, fought over Spencer... Because they all wanted to cuddle him.

My friend, Tarin, took Spency for half of the lunch break. And when she gave him back, I ended up swapping him for 20 minutes for chocolate.

3rd period I had ITD. Unfortunatly, I didn't take him out. Even though we were doing Graphics, I didn't want to take him out, because he was truamatised because of something that happened at lunch.

And because my teachers are sort of cool, in period 4, my literacy teacher cuddled with Spencer and let us watch School of Rock. I don't know if Spencer enjoyed it or not, because my friends, Zoe and Dylan, had him for most of the lesson.

I went to the cemetery after school, and I think he was angry with me when I got home, because I went to the cemetery without him. But then I made it up to him by letting him watch Hell Boy. He really likes that movie.

Spencer is currently sitting on the couch, watching Material Girls. We're watching The Land Before Time next.

Yes, it REALLY was neccesary for me to put the movie titles in BOLD!

So... I have the whole day off school. Why? Because we had rewards day at school and I didn't want to go. Because why would I want to go to the movies and a BBQ with fuckwits that I hate when I could stay home and be with the one person who loves me - Spencer, my pet koala?

My English teacher is giving me a D. We had to write 3 different pieces of writing for three stupidly boring topics. She said that my writing was "too short" and that they needed to be longer. You know, nothing is offical, but she came in during English (yes, I have 2 different teachers for English) and was going through all the assignments people had handed into her and she was commenting on them. There was only about 7 or 8 of them. And she got to mine and was going on about how short they were and because they weren't long, that it wasn't enough to even get me a motherfuckin' C.

I know that it sounds so fucking petty and stupid and that I sound so up myself, but out of the classes I have, English is my best. And to have some up tight, fat, 40-something-year-old woman with camel toe, tell me that I suck at the only subject I enjoy makes me so angry. I know that I'm not the best student she'll have, nor am I that motivated. But fuck, I can write a lot better than any of the fuckers in my class can ever do.

AND! My opinions were long! The motherfucking type size was set to 12. AND! IT! MADE! EVERYTHING! LOOK! SMALL! THE! STUPID! BITCH! WAS! HAPPY! WITH! IT! WHEN! I! SHOWED! HER! IT! ON! THE! COMPUTER! SCREEN!!!

Me and Jen [angelsxstalker] have made up a system of rating people.

This system has replaced the scale of 1 - 10
Insted of numbers, we use boys in bands.

Here's our sexy scale that we made today:

10. Gerard Way

9. Ronnie Radke

8. William Beckett

7. Ryan Ross (Ryhawk and guy liner)

6. Ville Valo

5. Butch Walker

4. Jepha Howard

3. Sisky Business

2. Bert McCracken

1. Peter Moose (Wentz)

0. Mike Carden

So yeah, we stand on the street and point at random guys and say "Ohhh... I'd say he's a Ville" "Really? I think he's a Jepha"

NOTE: DO NOT take this "scale" seriously, it's a joke. Peter Wentz and Bert McCracken are sexy!

Listening To: Something In The Way - Nirvana

Mood: Slightly happy

I got a haircut today
I took pictures, but I looked stupid and just no..

I hate being a fat kid..
Yet I do nothing about it

 

I brought a "Misfits" shirt
And wore it to a primary school fete

 

I almost screamed at my mother day in the shops
Because she said the shirt wouldn't fit me
And it made me angry because I was, for once, happy with the way I looked
But guess what?
The motherfucking shirt fitted me!

 

I realised, in the hairdressers that the hairstyle I was getting looked a bit like a chicks at school
I wouldn't usely care, but this chicky hates me
And at school, I'll more than likey be accused of trying to be like Amy

 

I'm sick of everyone saying I'm a lesbian
All my friends think I'm a lesbian, even my mum
I hugged my friend that I haven't seen in AGES and when I was walking away
Mum said
"Samara, you have lesbian tendicies"
And it's like "Fuck!" I haven't seen her in ages! I'm sorry I missed her and wanted to hug her!

I'm sick of Josh calling me a street hoe
Reading my buzznet journals
And using everything I type on here against me

I'm sick of life!

Understanding, more like demanding

The song "Flash"  by Queen makes me sleepy...

I don't know why but it does.

I think it might be all the talking.

Yesterday, there was a Nirvana song on the radio.

It was a good song.

But I don't know what it was called.

And I've just spent the last hour trying to find it.

Sucks, cos I can't remember any words.

I have to write a story for english.

I've written a short, choppy spaztic fan fiction about Gerard and Frank.

600 words.

It was due 2 weeks ago.

It's worth, like, 50% of my english grade.

I'm downloading TAI TV.

I've got like 9 episodes out of like... 44.

I plan to burn them onto a blank DVD.

I woke up at 2AM because I could hear voices. They weren't exactly in my room, more so from the street. You know when you're at home and there's little kids playing outside and they're playfully screaming? Yeah, well that's what I kept hearing. At first I thought I was just... You know... Tired and not thinking straight and tried to ignored it. But the voices were so fucking clear. So I went and stood in the laundry and I could still here them. I was tired and needed sleep, so I went back to my room and got my iPod, because there was no way I was going to lie there and get fucking creeped out even more than I was. I don't know how long I layed there. Probably more than 2 hours. I didn't want to move in case something grabbed me. I swear, I just lied there, perfectly still, my blanket wrapped tightly around me with my eyes shut and listening to whatever came on shuffle. I was so terrified, I was almost in tears. Eventually, I got the courage to turn and lay on my side, then, because it was so friggin' hot, I pulled the blanket to my waist. I don't know what time it was when I drifted off to sleep but I'm guessing it was around 5-ish.

I dreamt something, I don't remember what I dreamt. But it was creepy. All I remember from the dream was the name "Mandy". I don't know who Mandy is. I've never heard of anyone I know named Mandy. Well, my Aunty's sister is named Amanda and she's sometimes referred to as "Mandy" and my friend is also named Amanda, but we never call her Mandy.

I think "Mandy" may be a child.

I told my friend about it and she said it was fucking creepy and that I should tell mum. As much as I want to, I don't. Because my father has schizophrenia and I don't want her to worry about me and my fucked up dreams.

When my dad had a heart attack, and he was down in Townsville, I would've been about 2 and I was in the lounge room with mum and she said I asked her who that lady was. Mum couldn't see the lady and asked me to descirbe the lady to her. I apparently said she had purple hair. I don't remember this. But from what I told mum, she said that I must've been discribing either my grandmother or my great grandmother. I don't know, she told me, but I don't remember.

My friend thinks that I might be hearing spirits.

The more I think about it, the more surreal it seems. But what I felt last night, the sheer terror and fear, could NEVER be dreamt up.

The only time I was like this, was when I did Bloody Mary. That's something I never want to do again.

I don't know if it was something that my mind made up from stress. Because lately, I've been stressed over mostly everything... And I don't know if all that stress was a resault of this.

I have no idea what is going on.

But I'm so scared.

So I'm sitting here, with my guinea pig (Slash) writing this.

This morning, Josh read the journal I wrote about him and throughout the day, he kept threatening me that he was gonna print it and bring it to school the next day.

Obviously, I freaked out.

I managed to make myself sick, and I went to the office and they called mum and let me go home.

So yes, I deleted the journal.

Sucked in street hoe!

I have a motherfuckin' science and math test tomorrow!

I haven't studied.

I don't know the questions

Let alone the answers.

 

I find math difficult

&

Science is boring.

 

I like SOSE and English.

 

I'm at risk of failing HPE.

 

SCHOOL SUCKS!

I'll finish doing my page tomorrow. Till then, you're gonna have to deal with the unfinished, fucked up colouring of the current page.

I'm bored.

I spent the whole day cleaning.

I straightened my hair and burnt myself... It still hurts.

 

I think I need to change my page colours, page title, profil photo and background image.

And, I need to post some new photos and maybe a TAI video...

im seriously bored. Im at my dads house and it sucks because he doesnt have a computer and i an writing this by phone. Look what have been reduced to.. apparently i have a new friend request but nothing is showing up.. So yeah.

I'm bored.

If you were here, I'd never have a fear

...

OMG! YOU TOTALLY PWN!!!!!!

 

YOU TOTALLY OUT PWN EVERYONE!!!

 

*HIGH-FIVE-ULATION*

 

I hate the dynamics of high school. It’s just so fucking stupid. You’re stereotyped and grouped and aren’t listened to or regarded worthy if you’re not with the “in” crowd.

Everyone freaks out about nothing. Everything you say and do is picked apart and if it’s something wrong against them, you’re forever redeemed hated and bitchy.

It’s all about what clothes you wear, who you hang out with, what you like, what you don’t like, what music you listen to and what boys do you think are “hot”.

I hate being one of the smart kids in my class because certain people like to think I always have the answers to difficult math questions and that I’m always going to tell them the answers to SOSE questions. Just because it requires a little bit of reading, does not mean in any way that the questions are hard. And, if you don’t give them the answers or if you’re unsure, they won’t talk to you and just ignore you and make other people ignore you too, until you give them the answers. I’m good at English, people like to think that if they sit next to me, that I’ll write and do their work and give them the answers and spell out words for them.

You say something in an undertone and people will always assume you’re dissing them or their family. Like for instance, this a conversation I had with a girl in my class today.

Tarin: When me and my little brother go to the movies, he eats like 5 packs of those chocolaty thing all by himself. And! He’s still skinny as.
Me: Stupid fast metabolism…

Tarin: *hits me* Excuse me!

Me: Why’d you just hit me?!

Tarin: Did you just call my brother a stupid fat hoe?

Me: No!

See? They always insist that you’re dissing someone.

No one ever lets anything go, it’s always brought up when *they* think it’s necessary. Tarin and Amy like to think that I bitched about them on orientation day and the first day of school. Tarin insisted that I called her a “stupid fucking fat cow” in Drama on orientation day and Amy said I called her a “bitch”. Which I most certainly did not!

The thing that makes me angry is that NO ONE can fight their own battles. You say something to someone’s face and they don’t like it, they’ll say something back and then go and cry to their friends or cousins and then their friends will come up to you and start bitching about it. And then if you confront them about what their friends said, they’ll make up some half-arsed excuse and expect you to believe it. They’re all liars.

And if you get to the point where they all want you dead, they’ll start taking your friends. They’ll observe EVERYTHING you say and do and use any and everything against you. Then, they’ll go tell someone of a higher authority and then you have all this shit said about you - which has been greatly exaggerated and is based on little truth. But guess what? The higher authority do not care one bit!

If you make a tiny implement that you think someone is hot - you’re flagged down and interrogated. Because if you think someone is good looking, you’re obviously in love with them! You can not walk next to a guy without being accused of dating. The only exception is if you’re related or if the guy is a queeny. If you talk to a guy, you’re immediately flirting. If you ask someone if you have to draw that diagram on the board, you must like him.

Seriously, I was eating lemon in class once and so was this other guy, Josh, and we were talking about the lemon and it’s taste and we were going on about how it’s kind of sour yet sweet at the same time, and a certain little chicky told us we were “flirting”. Then she told our entire form class that we were flirting.

And the thing that annoys me the most is that just because I actually do my work and not talk I’m classified as an “emo”. In the first week of school, Marlee came up to me and my group and asked us what we were. I asked her what the fuck she was on about and she pointed at me and said “You. You’re an Emo.”.

The girls all like to make you feel worse. Especially Shaniece If you ACCIDENTLY hit someone, and she sees what happens (and she knows full well that it was an accident) she’ll come up to you and say “Oh! What’d you do that for?! LOOK! He/she is crying now! God, you’re such a fucking bitch” and than walk away. And if you retaliate and say something back, she’ll act as if you just called her mother a slut.

It’s pathetic and stupid.

And now I’m just making personal attacks on girls at my school.

Eh… I may as well say this while I’m in a bitching mood.

                                                      MADELINE MILLER IS A FAKE BITCH!!!

Ok so it's angelsxstalker, Samara's (mirrorxghost) best friend. She asked me to log in and write a journal explaining that her mother has installed some intergard crap and it blocked buzznet!!! Yes I'm pissed off about it too. She can't even go on LJ!

Anyways, she won't be on until we manage to convince her mum that buzznet is good.

Anyone got any tips?


So, your all gonna have to survive for a while : Luckily I talk to her on msn and the phone. HAHA! Nah sorry. :]

 

Bye! xx Jen

Fuck, mum downloaded this stupid "internet safety" thingy from the government. AND IT BLOCKS EVERYTHING!

Fuck me, it even blocked buzznet! And! Now, I can't even search "Bert McCracken" on the LiveJournal searches! It's destroyinggggggg my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT SAVES ALL MY OF MY MSN CONVERSATIONS!!!!

I CAN DO NOTHING!!!!!! I HAVE NOW RESORTED TO GOOGLING "GABE SAPORTA" !!!

I should go on YouTube and watch porn 'Church of Hot Addiction' or w/e it's called.

My best forced friend, Jenielle [angelsxstalker] wrote me a song or lyrics... Whatver.

---

Vulgarity's her proffession and she walks a wreath of death

The bloody drips are infomation (she's still alive)

The confusion connects her, and her bleakness shows life

She'll never understand, dripping wrists and gory attractions

 

Our connections are beautiful, the red and the black, even when we confuse them things can be okay

 

She walks a wreath of death

She walks a wreath of death

And no, you'll never understand

The beauty of the blood

It drips from her heart

And this isthe only way

 

We'll never find a way

No we'll NEVER find a way

But that's okay

We want it this way

 

With these words we don't say goodbye

Because she walks a wreath of death

And I am her cry

 

Listen, listen now

Can you hear her steps?

'Cos she's walking a wreath of death

---

Okay, I don't know what the fuck is up with the spaces but whatever.

Obviously, these lyrics are copyright.

ã

I even have the little 'c' icon thingy too!

Thanks Jen, these lyrics mean a lot to me.

 

Jeni, good luck at T-Bay tomorrow.

Make friends.

And even if you don't.

I still love you.

 

Don't let them take you alive!